Did I write this?!

I was sent this essay last night with a “made me think of you” message.    First, it’s always nice to be thought of.  And second, holy shiza – did I actually write this and forget I had done so?  Because this could not be more spot on to me, my life, my experiences, my thoughts on the matter and even the punchline:  I still don’t know what I am passionate about.

I read mostly inspirational stories these days.  Lots of people started out like me – lost, confused, aimless, unsure of what drives them or stuck in a career that they know doesn’t fit.  But most stories end with some fantastic moral about following your heart and ending up with the key to happiness.  And making money while doing so.    This article was kind of refreshing to read.  Scary, because it means that this might not all end in rainbows and passion-filled days (which duh, I know but it’s nice to ignore most of the time), but also a nice sense of camaraderie with someone who sounds to be in the exact same predicament:  she can write her ticket, but she doesn’t know what ticket to write.

I went back to the essay today and started poking around this site called Work Stew, tagline “Frank talk about what we do with our lives”.  Seems pretty perfect for me!   I happened upon a few other essays that I found fascinating.

This one is wild, for a few reasons.  The first being that it doesn’t end well.  It’s a very sad and hard to read story and there is no silver lining.  It’s essentially a vent.  Which of course is important but just interesting – not usually what I see in these essays/posts/articles.  The second reason I find it wild is because her basic thesis is to debunk the idea that I’ve been trying to beat into my own head for the last 6 months:  If you follow your heart, the money will come.  It’s really just fascinating to read.  Her circumstances are completely different and her reasoning is sound.  But again, just an interesting read for me at this stage in the game.

This one takes me back into the inspirational “follow the crumbs life lays out for you”.    Having it all, taking a leap, having it all crumble and coming out the other side.

I have plenty of time to read these things today as I sit and wait for my customers to determine my fate.    I’ve given it my all.  I’ve run a good cycle.  I’ve thrown it out into the universe (ehem…to my customers).

And now we wait.

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